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Gradually build up the part of yourself that DOES take care of you and give yourself credit for all of the things that you DO do for yourself. I think of us have a part of us that wants to have someone there to help with our struggles. But it is so much better when you can accomplish that for yourself : I also think one of the other posters had it right.
You are sad because you feel like you lost all your hopes and dreams for the future. What was it about those dreams that you had planned out that makes you them so much? I know for me personally that I had gradually modified my dreams to have them include my husband at the time. And that was OK then. When, after 20 years, he told me that he hadn't been in with me for 10 of them, the loss of my dreams for my life hurt almost as much as those words. What parts of those dreams can you over to your new life? How can you modify them to suit you now?
Do you even want the same thing anymore? Do you have old dreams that you put to the side the past years? What kind of life adventure are you going to go on now? One thing that I know has helped me is positive affirmations sometimes with guided meditation. This help to counteract the feelings you have from what the ex said to you when he left and remind you of the awesome things that make you happy about yourself. As for why he said them I think Dax? Some people do or say very cruel things when they don't know how to get out of a situation.
At this point, who knows or cares what his motives were. You do NOT need him to validate you. One other thing I have tried recently and think might be of benefit to others is cranial electrotherapy stimulation. It help adjust your slightly and get it unstuck from the cycle it got into. I wish you the best. One of the funniest things I have heard about former marriage is that it is just a practice marriage for the real one.
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